Fat Kids in Tevas

As I stated yesterday, Christopher Reach and I have a new little comic strip project, and I am happy to say that we have the first one done, son. We have also decided on a name for the comic. As of now it is called Fat Kids in Tevas because today at work I saw a fat kid wearing Tevas. I like the name at the moment but it's subject to change. Anywho, enjoy the first comic in our rockin' series. Nookie!

The Hess Truck is Back!

Sorry I haven't been writing anything lately

I've been too busy wearing these sunglasses 

BUT...

but, but, but my artistic compatriot, Christopher Reach, and I are creating a comic strip which I will be posting on this lovely blog of mine. Chris is like Van Gogh but with more ears, so the drawings will be supreme. We have one done already and I'll be posting it within the next day or two! Excitement! 

In the mean time feel free to comment on how Xtreme I look in the picture above. 

I Have Nothing to Write

Remember when Owen Wilson tried to kill himself?

That was weird

Atheists Rejoice!

I have concrete proof there is no God....

This movie exists

Wait a minute...

Has anyone noticed that the little kid from Cop and a Half looks and acts exactly like Samuel L. Jackson?

                                   

                    

Psh, of course you have. Sorry for insulting your intelligence.

But seriously, throw a Kangol hat on that kid and you could convince me that the ten year old Samuel L. Jackson found a time machine and sent himself to the year 1993 to star alongside Burt Reynolds... 

or maybe Henry Winkler had access to a time machine, went back to 1958, grabbed Sammy L, brought him to Hollywood circa 1993 and then directed Cop and a Half.

Oh by the way Henry Winkler (the Fonz) directed Cop and a Half. I am full of so much awesome celebrity info today it's refunkulous

Oh Fuey!... Kung Fuey that is

In a crazy turn of events David Carradine, star of the 70's television action-karatefest Kung Fu, was found dead on June 3rd in Bangkok, Thailand.  He was apparently found hanging naked in his hotel closet. At first the police thought it was a suicide but the rope tied around his dick made the homicide detectives ponderously stroke their mustaches. Blah blah how crazy, David Carradine died while performing  a version of auto erotic asphyxiation that even weirder than normal auto erotic asphyxiation blah blah blah... that's not what's important and interesting. Want to know what is?

David Carradine's brother is none other than Robert Carradine!

Robert fucking Carradine!

You know... Robert?...Carradine?

Ugh you people are impossible

The Kung Fu guy's brother is Louis Skolnick from Revenge of the Nerds, brah!

See, now the story is interesting 

It is actaully pretty sad that David Carradine parished so in his honor I'm going to "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" him.

David Carradine was in Kill Bill with Uma Thurman who was in Johnny Be Good with Robert Downey Jr. who was in Bowfinger with Heather Graham who was in Boogie Nights with Don Cheadle who was in Ocean's 11 with Brad Pitt who got raped by Kevin Bacon in Sleepers. 

I know that was seven degrees but I wasn't a huge fan of David Carradine so I'm not going to sweat it.  R.I.P you karate kicking crusader (more alliteration!)

Wait, do you count just the actors when you play Six Degree of Kevin Bacon or the actors and the movies? Let me know asap.

Without Geography, You Are Nowhere

Before I get started I just want to point out that my last post is dated March something or other, but it was actually posted May something or other. So dats dat motherfuckas!

Anycock, I was shopping at Whole Foods today, because I'm not a barbarian. Whilst in the parking lot I saw a Hyundai Sonata (first car that came to mind, probably not the actual make and/or model) with an interesting bumper sticker. The sticker read "Without Geography, You Are Nowhere". I would say that about 99.9% of the time bumper stickers convey the drivers opinions about a topic that is wildly debated and significantly topical. Some examples include "No Blood For Oil",  "Support Our Troops", the Jesus fish with legs that says "Darwin" in it (Darwin believed Jesus had fish legs? I don't fully understand that one, but I know it's thought provoking), and of course  the "DMB" in the white circle. Because I am aware of this knowledge it makes me wonder why I have not known about the Anti-Geography movement until now. If there is an upper-class Montclairian out there with a bumper sticker that supports geography then clearly there are geography naysayers out there. That means there are geographobes out roaming the streets who wouldn't think twice about cunningly catching and killing a cartographer in cold blood (alliteration!).  

                                       

                  "FUCK YOU MAP!"

I for one support geography. Although I cannot successfully show someone where each of the 50 United States go on a map, I do  have a love for GPS systems and enjoy calling Maine "America's Catcher's Mit". So this is a warning to all you Geography Nazi's out there...

You better skip town and skip town fast. If you need a map let me know...(*gun noises*)... motherfucker