Scandalous Scandals!

Boobs!!! So new nude photos of Vanessa Hudgens have surfaced. For those of you who don't know who Vanessa Hudgens is, she's the girl who went to that high school where everyone sang and danced sporadically... I think it's in Michigan. She had a nude photo hit da web about 2 years ago and everyone peed and pooed about it and NOW THERE'S MORE!! I for one am appalled (my penis however is not). Anywho, it's a big stinky deal because her lawyer is saying that she took those pictures when she was 17 and nude 17 year old girls on the web is mad illegal. 

This is pretty big news but I have even bigger news. 

Underage nude pictures of Selena Gomez, who is a Disney tart similar to Vanessa, were hacked from her cell phone and put online.... and I have them! Here you go, perverts

Selena clothed

Selena's dirty underage nude photo...

Whoever hacked into Selena's phone and posted this photo should be in fucking Riker's. Selena Gomez isn't even 18 years old! She shouldn't be looked at as a sex symbol let alone be shown in the buck! Let's hope the hacker is found, strangled, chopped up, put in a suitcase,  and thrown in a dumpster. The person who does this should then call the police, report the hacker missing, then kill himself after he realizes he's not getting away with the murder. The guy who killed the hacker should also win the third season of VH1's I Love Money, which has yet to be aired.

If anyone can name the murder story I just alluded to through my bullshit story  I'll give you a prize*!

*I won't give you a prize

Everyone Needs To Hear This Band!

I just found the most dopest, illest, crunkest, funk-crustiest, alligator raping, emotionally shatastic, rip-ticklin', filth-frolicking, slippery, fun, delightful, toe sucking band ever!

Brokencyde!

Look at these guys. I liked these guys before I even heard their music. Just really look at them... Have you fully looked at them? 

Good, now you see what I'm talking about. Did you notice the coolest part about this picture? The one guy not wearing sunglasses has a shirt with sunglasses on it! A Shirt! With Sunglasses! 

oh wait... one of the sunglassed guys has a shirt with sunglasses as well... that takes away from the cool factor just a wee bit, but still these guys created cool, fucked it, fed it a lobster dinner, and then took it to see G-Force. 

Let's take a listen, shall we?

My ears are bleeding... bleeding with musical satisfaction

I'm not being sarcastic, that's not my style

Fat Kids in Tevas

As I stated yesterday, Christopher Reach and I have a new little comic strip project, and I am happy to say that we have the first one done, son. We have also decided on a name for the comic. As of now it is called Fat Kids in Tevas because today at work I saw a fat kid wearing Tevas. I like the name at the moment but it's subject to change. Anywho, enjoy the first comic in our rockin' series. Nookie!

The Hess Truck is Back!

Sorry I haven't been writing anything lately

I've been too busy wearing these sunglasses 

BUT...

but, but, but my artistic compatriot, Christopher Reach, and I are creating a comic strip which I will be posting on this lovely blog of mine. Chris is like Van Gogh but with more ears, so the drawings will be supreme. We have one done already and I'll be posting it within the next day or two! Excitement! 

In the mean time feel free to comment on how Xtreme I look in the picture above. 

I Have Nothing to Write

Remember when Owen Wilson tried to kill himself?

That was weird

Atheists Rejoice!

I have concrete proof there is no God....

This movie exists

Wait a minute...

Has anyone noticed that the little kid from Cop and a Half looks and acts exactly like Samuel L. Jackson?

                                   

                    

Psh, of course you have. Sorry for insulting your intelligence.

But seriously, throw a Kangol hat on that kid and you could convince me that the ten year old Samuel L. Jackson found a time machine and sent himself to the year 1993 to star alongside Burt Reynolds... 

or maybe Henry Winkler had access to a time machine, went back to 1958, grabbed Sammy L, brought him to Hollywood circa 1993 and then directed Cop and a Half.

Oh by the way Henry Winkler (the Fonz) directed Cop and a Half. I am full of so much awesome celebrity info today it's refunkulous